Over and Over
by KShade
Summary: Set after "Seeing Red", so there are spoilers for that. After Tara dies, Willow uses all that magic she swore she'd never use again to create a time-loop. The catch, they can only got out of the loop if Tara survives.Will Willow be able to change fate. And after forcing himself on her the first time through, will Spike ever learn? Tillow, Spuffy, AU. Will eventually become M.
1. Seeing Red

**I have fourteen other stories. What the hell, self? So, this is an alternate on "Seeing Red", from season six. Picks up right at the ed of it, just after Tara died. **

_Willow_

_Tara! _Willow sobbed over the cold, lifeless body of her lover as her tears spattered the hardwood floors. Magic flowed in the air, sparking and popping from her anger. Someone _killed_ Tara! Willow looked down at herself, spattered with blood. _Tara's _blood. It shouldn't have ended this way. Willow wished there was something she could do, anything!

_Wait a second! _she thought, _maybe there is… _She felt the magic enter her, strengthening her. "Tara," she whispered to her dead girlfriend, "I'll be back," she announced, "and so will you."

_Buffy_

The bullet wound was deep. She felt pain radiating from that spot on her collarbone. In combination to the pain from the bruises, it was _almost _unbearable. Xander was on the phone with 911, explaining that 'some lunatic' shot his best friend. They didn't have to know that he shot her because she was the slayer or anything like that.

"Warren, when I get my hands on you, there will be nowhere you can run," she vowed, silently.

That's when she heard the sobbing come from her mom's old room. The room that willow and Tara were in!

"Will!" she gasped, trying to move and recoiling in pain. Buffy felt powerless, completely powerless. She was the Slayer, she was supposed to protect people. When she saw the shattered glass in the window pane, she cursed under her breath. "Willow! Are you okay?" she yelled, hoping nothing bad happened up there. _Nothing else_, she amended, thinking about how Spike had cornered her earlier. Suddenly she felt incredibly vulnerable, even with Slayer-strength, she was wounded, bruised and _vulnerable_. If Spike were here now—_no, stop thinking that. Don't even think about thinking about that._

_Willow_

She strode through the Magic Box, ignoring the way her eyes looked completely black as she passed a large enchanted mirror. She needed ingredients. _The staff from behind Giles's desk, a toad, horn wart, Lethe's Bramble. _She didn't think, merely flitting around, collecting things. She ran to the candle storage, choosing a set of tall, blood red ones, and one tiny white one. She bagged her ingredients, turning to go as Giles opened the door. _Shit! _she thought, _Giles _can't _see me like this. I'm all scary and veiny, and he might stop me. _Not thinking so much as doing, Willow flitted behind a shelf.

"Hello?" Giles asked, knowing the witch was back there, "What's going on, Willow?" he asked, suspiciously. Willow, giving up on doing this cleanly, walked past him. Giles gasped in evident shock. "Willow? Oh good lord, I'll go get Buffy!" he ran for the door.

Willow shook her head, breaking off a sprig of the Lethe's Bramble and burning it with her bare fingers, "Tabula Rasa," she whispered, blowing the ashes of the newly incinerated sprig at Giles. His eyes went blank and unfocused, and then closed, giving her the perfect opportunity to leave. Stolen goods in hand, she left the store, the merry little chimes ringing as she left.

Once she got home, Buffy was being loaded into an ambulance, and someone was on the way up to her room. _They aren't taking Tara away! _Willow thought, _not now that I'm so close. _She ran after the man who climbed the stairs "stop," she commanded.

The police officer turned around, eyes widening. "What the hell-" he started. That was all Willow let him say. She flicked out her fingers, and blue crystals flew in, actually tiny shards of ice, which covered him. She pushed past the frozen officer, making her way to her room.

_Tara was gone! _She looked out to windows to see another two officers loading a body bag into the ambulance. They were going to take Tara to the morgue! _Like hell they are, _Willow thought bitterly, and then, she dove from the broken window. She landed lightly on the ground and walked determinedly to the ambulance. She pushed past emergency people, not caring whether they were trying to stop her. She called the asphalt beneath the ambulance to melt, and then solidify, around the wheels of the vehicle. The driver swore loudly as he tried to drive and the wheels refused to move. Willow ripped the doors open, her magically enhanced strength crumpling the metal.

Buffy gasped, "Will?" she asked. Willow smirked, grabbing Tara, and turning to go. "She's dead, Will. I'm sorry," Buffy whispered. Willow was sick of people being 'sorry'. She didn't want apologies, she wanted Tara.

She pushed off from the back of the vehicle, body bag in hand. Rather than an awful fall to the pavement, Willow flew up to their room, fitting the god-awful yellow bag through the window and then following it.

She laid Tara down, unzipping the bag. She took out the herbs she'd found and crushed them together, poring them into a little cup, then, she made a ring of candles around Tara's body, placing the white candle over her heart. The candles lit instantly, as Willow willed them to. She picked up the toad next, holding it up above her head as it made little croaking sounds. Then, she found the staff, which was wicked-sharp.

"Sorry, froggie," she said to the toad, "I need a sacrifice to do this," and then she jammed the toad down on the point of the staff. Frog blood ran down the staff, all over the bowl of herbs. then, Willow levitated some of Tara's blood off the ground, and threw it down on the herbs as well. Stepping into the circle she'd made around Tara with the blood-red candles, she scattered some of the bloody mixture around the circle, keeping most of it. Chanting an ancient invocation, she took the white candle, and willed the flame from that one to flash into the bowl and light the herbs on fire.

The herbs smouldered as Willow cast her spell, chanting ancient words and hoping this one went right.

\*\*\*\

She wakes up, lying beside Tara. She felt her girlfriend stirring beside her, and, full of excitement that she was alive, Willow kissed her. Tara responded instantly, kissing Willow back. Willow wanted to cry, savouring this moment particularly after Tara died last time. "Good morning to you," Tara quipped.

"When did morning happen?" Willow asked, realizing that she'd said exactly the same thing that morning. Or the last time that morning had happened.

"When the moon went down," Tara replied. Overcome with joy at Tara being alive, at the rewind spell working, Willow kissed her. Now she just had to hope it would loop, just in case this didn't work the first time…

**So, here's my explanation to those of you asking what just happened. Willow has created a time-loop, and the only way she can get out of it is if Tara survives. There will also be some Spuffy :) Feeling content, KShade out.**


	2. I love you guys!

**So, thanks for all the follows, I love you all. Also, question, I can write this for two audiences, T and M. This chapter is the kind of thing that would be T. Would you prefer I write in the sex and raise the rating? I'll start a poll on it on my profile.**

She woke up, lying beside Tara. She felt her girlfriend stirring beside her, and full of excitement that she was alive, Willow kissed her. Tara responded instantly, kissing Willow back. Willow wanted to cry, savouring this moment particularly after Tara died last time. "Good morning to you," Tara quipped.

"When did morning happen?" Willow asked, realizing that she'd said exactly the same thing that morning. Or the last time that morning had happened. She knew exactly what Tara was going to say, but let her girlfriend say it.

"When the moon went down," Tara replied. Overcome with joy at Tara being alive, at the rewind spell working, Willow kissed her. Now she just had to hope it would loop, just in case this didn't work the first time… Not that she would need a do-over. She refused to see Tara die a second time.

"Mmm," she sighed, "I forgot how good this could feel, us, together," and she laid her head on Tara's stomach, while her conscience shrieked at her to do something differently, to alter time, and keep Tara safe. Willow was just trying not to cry, because she realized how precious this time was. "Without the magic," she added, dismissing the fact that she'd used huge amounts of magic. Technically, she hadn't done that yet.

"There was plenty of magic," Tara remarked, stroking Willow's hair. Willow sat up abruptly, knowing that her conscience was right, and she had to make this work. She was not going to see Tara die a second time, "is something wrong?" Tara asked, looking alarmed.

"No, everything's fine, its just-" Willow didn't know whether to tell Tara about the last version of today or not, "it's hard to explain, it's like déjà vu," she said, not wanting to lie, but not wanting to scare Tara either.

Tara nodded, "yeah, I'm kind of getting that. Do you think there's magic involved?" she suddenly looked concerned. Willow knew Tara might be powerful enough to break her loop, and that would mean she would die.

"No, no! I mean, it's just like before I went all addict-y and you left and all," Willow explained, not really lying, because everything was markedly similar to that as well. She was so happy she and Tara had gotten back together.

"Yeah," Tara said, not sounding too convinced, Hoping for a quick change of subject, Willow got up and started to get dressed, "I should go check if Buffy's back. She's been acting all weird since we saw Spike and Anya on that camera," she ran to go knock on Buffy's door, even though she knew Buffy wouldn't be home yet.

"Is she back yet?" Dawn asked, opening her door and walking out of her room.

"No, but I'm sure she'll be home soon," Willow responded, "everything's fine, just go back to bed," she added, sounding exactly like she had yesterday—or, last today. Geez time-loops were confusing.

"It's ten o'clock," Dawn remarked.

"Well, then, I guess I can make breakfast," Willow agreed, deviating from her course last-today. She figured a couple of pancakes for Dawn, and a few for Tara might be nice. She couldn't eat until she was sure the spell was working and wasn't going to rocket her off back to the present. She couldn't deal with that.

"You don't think she's going to hurt Spike," Dawn asked, "Do you?" she sounded a little nervous. Willow knew Dawn thought of the vampire as a friend. She wondered what had possessed Buffy to sleep with Spike. This wasn't the robot again, was it?

Willow tried to recall her answer from the last time around, "I know she won't," Willow answered, "Buffy will only hurt him if he starts hurting humans, so don't worry about it." She omitted that she was relatively sure Spike was going to hurt Buffy.

"Is she back yet?" Tara asked, walking out in that sheet, she blushed a bit when she saw Dawn was there, "oh, hey," she said awkwardly.

Dawn made a shocked noise and pointed to Tara and I, "you and-" she looked absolutely ecstatic to see Tara was back here. Willow guessed maybe Tara and she were proof that love didn't have to be as screwed up as Buffy's relationship with Spike or Anya and Xander. Come to think of it, the scoobies have all had way too much trouble lately.

Tara turned to go back to our room, "uh, that's my cue to go put some clothes on," she started to walk back. Willow couldn't resist using a tiny spell, wanting to spend some more time with her.

"Or, it could be my cue to take some off," she whispered, using a tiny bit of magic to make sure Dawn didn't hear. Tara smiled a little, looking at Dawn to make sure she hadn't heard.

"No no, I'm totally not here, you guys go do whatever you want, I'll go watch TV, downstairs, really loud, in the basement where I can't hear anything," Dawn stammered excitedly, letting out a little squeal, "oh my god," she flapped her hands as she ran off excitedly, "I love you guys!" she added, skipping off to the basement excitedly as Tara and Willow returned to their room.

"We probably should get up," Tara started, looking for her shirt. Willow discreetly kicked the shirt under the bed. She wanted more time with Tara, after she _died_ last-today. Willow needed to replace her memories of Tara's body, cold, dead and still in her arms.

"Do you want to?" Willow asked, not wanting to trap Tara in here against her will. She hoped that Tara hadn't sensed the magic she'd used. It was so pointless to do that! Did she always cast those little spells that she didn't need?

"God, no," Tara sighed, dropping the sheet and walking towards Willow. Willow approached her, pulling her in. Tara's lips met hers as her hands tangled in my hair, holding me there. My hands skated down her naked body, exploring. Tara disentangled her hands from her lover, pulling Willow's shirt off. Willow hadn't bothered with anything under her shirt. Tara looked at Willow for a long moment.

"I love you," she whispered.

**So, review or suggest via poll what to do with the rating, and thanks for all the follows! I love you all.**


	3. Why I could Never Love You

**So, there are two events in this fic that'll be focused on, Tara's death and Spike trying to force himself on Buffy. I'm not going to type out everything that stays canon, that would be redundant at best. This, however is my exception, in that it's primarily canon until the end.**

_Buffy_

After almost being killed by the Trio's hide out and being bruised by a vamp, the slayer wasn't in a good mood. As she changed into a bathrobe—there was no problem with her walking around like that, only she, Dawn and Willow lived here—and walked to the bathroom, she was looking forward to actually relaxing. As she walked, her leg smarted, already showing a purple bruise. She cursed her luck, but knew slayer-healing would heal it within the next two days, tops.

When she entered the bathroom, she turned the water on, knowing that hot water could soothe the stinging purple mark on her leg. She heard the door open, and her slayer-senses went on high-alert, telling her there was someone else in the mall bathroom.

"Are you hurt? You're not movin so well," came a familiar voice from the back of the room. Buffy sighed, refusing to acknowledge the vampire by looking at him. She thought he'd leave her be after she saw him sleeping with Anya. _That didn't hurt me,_ she told herself, _Spike and I are over, he can sleep with whoever he wants._

"Get out," she said impassively, not even bothering to look at Spike. If he thought he could explain away the fact that he'd slept with Anya and just waltz right back into her life, he had another thing coming. Buffy wasn't feeling terribly waltz-y after her fight with that vamp.

"We have to talk," he said, quickly after she'd told him to leave. Somehow, she knew he wouldn't leave. Spike was too much of a pain in the ass to actually go away. She heard an ominous _click_ as the door closed and turned around, barely enough to face him.

"I really don't," she responded in a voice with very little emotion in it. Maybe that would show the vampire that she didn't love him. _God! _How could she even love him, he was a vampire, and an evil, soulless one. Like she'd previously said, he was beneath her.

"Well, this isn't just about you!" Spike responded, sounding irked, "as much as you'd like it to be," he added. Buffy sighed, wondering why Spike couldn't just leave her alone. She'd said it was over between them, _hadn't she?_ What was he doing here, anyways?

"You spoke, I listened, now leave!" Buffy crossed her arms, glaring back at Spike angrily. Why would he think she'd even think about taking him back? He had sex with Anya! Xander would probably stake him if he ever showed his face around here again. She knew she could stake him, but she didn't think annoying her was enough of a crime to warrant staking.

"I'm sorry—not that it matters anymore—but I needed you to know that," he said softly. There was something in those blue eyes that looked so human, when he spoke. Buffy had to remind herself that he was soulless. He was a demon, he just looked human and ensouled and incredibly vulnerable. _Vulnerable_? her subconscious mocked, _William the Bloody, vulnerable? How hard did you hit your head in the graveyard?_

"Why?" she asked, almost as softly. _Why did you come here to apologize? Why can't you just go? Why do you do this to me? Why can't I just stake you like every other vamp? Why me? _That's what she tried to communicate, all in that one little sound. She hoped he'd answer at least one of the things she was wondering.

"Cause, I care about you," he responded almost instantly. She knew he meant it, or he thought he meant it. Could a vampire care about the slayer? Or, a vampire without a soul, anyways? _Angel_ had cared about her, but he had a soul. Spike didn't have a soul, so there was no way he actually loved her, and even if he did, his idea of love was probably perverse. Buffy thought about Angelus. _Yeah, no way even Angel could feel love without a soul._

"Then, you might wanna try the not sleeping with my friends," she retorted. _There was no way he could love me and sleep with Anya,_ she reasoned, _and even if he loves me, I don't love him. I was _using_ him, and that wasn't fair to either of us, because I can't love him._ She wondered why Spike hadn't come to the same conclusion.

"I didn't go to Anya," he mispronounced her name, "for that, I was looking for a spell," he explained, his voice hardening. Buffy couldn't believe her ears. There was no way he loved her if he wanted to use a spell on her. It was just another creepy obsession. Somehow, that made everything easier to deal with.

"You were going to use a _spell_ on me?" she demanded, sounding incredulous. This was worse than the time he'd had that damned robot made. She wondered what kind of screwed up mind control spell he was going to use on her. _Did he use a spell on Anya? _She wondered.

He sighed, "it wasn't for you… _I _wanted something! Anything to make these feelings stop! I just wanted it to stop!" he sighed again, the light hiss of air a dramatic change from the harsh, growly tone he'd spoken in previously. Finally, he finished what he was saying, "you shoulda let him kill me," he said, quietly, not meeting Buffy's eyes. Buffy wondered if he _had_ gotten his soul back, but there wasn't any of the predictable brooding that came with being re-souled.

"I couldn't do it," she admitted. She didn't know why she couldn't just stake the infernal vampire and move on with life. Everything would be simpler if she'd just staked him the first time he and Drusilla had come here. She hated to admit it, but she wasn't sure if she would've made it through being pulled out of heaven without him.

"Why?" he shot back, proving that whenever she did anything nice for him, he had to make an ass out of himself in return. Ungrateful dead people! Couldn't he just accept that I didn't stake him and leave me be?

"You know why," Buffy snapped, frustrated that Spike had to constantly drive her insane. Why would she ever have thought he'd been re-souled? Surely, with a soul, he wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.

"because you love me," he suggested, giving her a look that implied that he was only waiting to hear it from her. Buffy was sick of other people assuming they knew how she felt. _No one_ knew what she was going through! No one here had been wrenched from heaven by their best friend. No one here had dug their way out of their own grave. Spike may have been the only one who wasn't cloyingly sympathetic about that, but that didn't give him any right to tell her how to feel.

"no, I don't!" she responded frustratedly, moving to shut the bath water off, with her hands on her back, which hurt like hell. She wished Willow was up for a healing spell, but willow wasn't doing magic. The pain radiated from her spine and she wondered if she'd broken a bone back there or something. If it was just a bruise, slayer-healing should've lessened the pain by now.

"Why do you keep lying to yourself?" he asked, shooting the question her way the moment her words left her lips. _There he goes, thinking he knows best, _she thought angrily,_ maybe if he was less condescending and stopped acting like he knows everything…_

"How many times do-" she started, raising her voice.

"Buffy? You okay in there?" she heard Willow yell from her room. _Huh, that's odd, _Buffy thought, _Will hasn't left her room yet. I wonder what she's doing in there._

"Just fine, Will!" she called back, then sighed, resuming what she was going to say to Spike, "I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love" she said the last sentence more for herself than for Spike, as a reminder. Spike was a soulless…thing. She couldn't forget that.

Spike walked closer to her and snickered, "Trust," he said incredulously, "is for old marrieds, Buffy. Real love is wild and…passionate and dangerous… it burns and …_consumes_," his voice changed with the last few words, becoming low and soft. Buffy had always found that voice incredibly hot, the way she could hear the desire so obvious in his voice. She had to force herself to say the next part, for his sake and her own.

"Until there's nothing left. Love like that _doesn't _last," she said flatly. Her voice was a contrast to his had been, flat and normal volume to his soft, sexual… _stop it! _This was for his sake, and for hers. She didn't want to use him, it was hurting him. And she was tired of having to explain to the infuriating vampire that she didn't love him. She tried supporting her aching back against the small wall-like thing beside the tub, noticing that it provided her with some relief.

Spike walked towards her a few more steps, "I know you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore," he said in that voice. Buffy would have to learn to resist that voice, but with what he'd just said, it wasn't hard. It didn't matter how sexy his voice was, he was trying to tell her how to feel again!

Buffy left the comfort of her wall so she could look straight at him, "Spike, please stop this," she tilted her head up in exasperation and rolled her eyes. Sometimes he was so stubborn!

He advanced towards her, pulling her in so she was pressed against him. His harsh gesture aggravated her inflamed back. "I know you still feel this," he whispered, using _that_ voice again. This time, Buffy was entirely impervious. He was hurting her. He pulled her hips to meet his, setting off flares of pain in her back. She barely even noticed how turned on he was. God knows she wasn't aroused… at all.

"No!" she pushed him, not with full slayer- strength, so as not to make any loud noises that would have Willow in her, but hard enough that he _should have _ moved. He didn't even flinch, just becoming more insistent. He gripped her arms, holding them back. "Spike, Stop!" she cried.

Willow heard this, the concerned Wiccan sitting up and wondering if Buffy had just said _Spike._ Dismissing it as a figment, she resumed ravishing her lover.

Spike, on the other hand, let it fall to deaf ears, he slid a hand under the side of her bathrobe, roughly trying to elicit a response from her, _any _response. He knew Buffy had been rough with him, maybe the weak push she'd given him had been to imply that she wanted him to be rough with her. After all, she always did that to him, beating him down and then shagging him senseless. Maybe she wanted him to be the soulless, disgusting _thing_ she'd always been telling his he was. There was one way to find out.

He pushed her over, ignoring her cries and stood over her. _Let's find out_.

Buffy screamed in agony as her damaged back hit the side of the tub. She couldn't believe Spike who said he'd loved her was doing this. _God_, she'd been so stupid to trust him. He's a soulless vampire; a disgusting _thing. _He was beneath her. But now, literally, she was beneath him. But she wasn't at his mercy. He'd be dust before she let that happen. He lowered himself, staying above her but lowering himself so he was close to her. She felt his disgusting lips, kissing her forehead, saying her name.

"Stop!" she heard herself say, "Ow, I'm hurt," she hated the teary, vulnerable edge to her voice, but not as much as she hated the vampire above her. She tried to roll free, but he pinned her, rolling her roughly onto her back, which was screaming in pain. She pushed frantically at him, trying to get him off her. Tears ran down her face as she sobbed at screamed at Spike, who made a predatory hissing noise.

"Did you hear that?" Willow asked Tara, "sort of a screaming noise, and not a this-feels-so-good-I-could-faint type scream, but uh, the other, not good kind?" Tara only nodded in response, but Willow had already shot up to investigate. She knew someone had shot Buffy. Maybe they were planning on torturing her first. As she slipped into a loose pair of sweats and hastily threw on a shirt, she thought, _over my dead body. _

"I know you felt it when I was inside you," said Spike, wondering why Buffy was screaming so much. She certainly didn't want Dawn to find them. That might scar the Bit a little. He knew he could make Buffy want him, and he was only proving her right. She'd told him all this time how she thought of him, so he would give her the soulless demon she'd been asking for.

Willow ran to the source of the screaming; the bathroom and yanked the door open to see… Buffy and Spike? Buffy was crying Spike had her roughly, brutally pinned to the ground. Oh, god! Was this what their little trysts had been like? Maybe Spike was going to shoot Buffy, just because he was done being the slayer's pet. Willow didn't think, only acted as she pulled the pencil out of her pocket and pressed it to his back. "And I know you'll feel this if you're not careful. Or, you already feel it, but you'll feel it staking you soon," she said, sounding oddly calm.

Buffy was relieved but humiliated when Willow walked in. "Will?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, i-it's me," Willow snapped her fingers out in a spell, jerking Spike to his feet and binding his hands with magic, "I've got this, see?" she gestured to the bound Spike, "all incapacitated."

Tara walked by in time to see Willow holding onto a bound Spike. "Willow? Y-you lied!" she reverted to her old habit of stammering out of pure shock, "this magic you're using is going to get dangerous and I'm not going to be here for another round of memory spells."

Tara ran out, and Willow snapped. Just as Xander came in, Willow's spell fade, so all he saw was Spike, stammering out apologies and Buffy and Willow both upset. Willow pushed past Xander to run after Tara and Buffy glared up at Spike, pain evident in her teary eyes. "Ask me again why I could never love you!" she dared him, looking agonized, "because she had to stop you!"

"Who stopped what?" asked Xander, baffled, "and is this how you not-see Spike, Buffy?" he added, his tone laced with disapproval, "what's going on?"

Spike glared at Xander, "not a bloody thing," he responded, telling another story with his blue eyes. They looked almost… turned to Buffy, knowing no words could redeem him and just whispered, "I _am_ sorry, love."

**So, that was… I had to rewatch that scene in seeing red five times, and scribe it down once. Never again. I don't know how the actors did that scene. I really don't. This fic is a Spuffy fic though, so there will be something good happening with them. I got it all plotted out.**


	4. Plot Thickens

**Sorry. I should have updated. Sorry! Don't hate me.**

When Tara left, Willow had half a mind to follow her, but she knew that it would be safer for Tara to run away for the time being. Then she might be safe. Enraged that the vampire had had the nerve to try that—to attempt to force himself on Buffy, Willow decided that she should find him. If Spike could try to rape her, what's to say he couldn't kill her? Maybe _he _shot her, because using a weapon wouldn't make the chip fire. Willow left the armoured car route that she'd wanted to show Buffy on the table and stormed out after the vampire.

Spike tried not to think, not to feel as he left. _Ask me again why I could never love you?_ He saw it again, vividly in his head, this time, hearing every cry that had fallen to deaf ears. "Oh, god," he whispered, "Buffy!" he couldn't believe his own actions. He was everything she'd called him, a monster, soulless, beneath her. He was tired of being a monster. He wanted to be the kind of man that she could love. He was so upset, so disgusted by his own actions, that he didn't hear the witch walking behind him.

Willow stayed a good six feet behind Spike, not wanting him to detect her. She used a spell to turn herself invisible, making sure she didn't get caught. She wasn't sure what she was going to do. She couldn't just stake him. Could she? If she hadn't been there, could an injured Buffy have stopped him? Would he have raped her best friend? If she didn't stop him now, would he try to kill Buffy? Would he kill Tara? After all, he had no soul. That meant no conscience.

Spike didn't notice the girl shadowing him until she sneezed and he whirled around. When he first noticed Willow, he let out a loud noise of surprise, not used to being so oblivious. _Look at what she's doing to me, _he thought to himself. "Red?" was all he go out, not knowing what to say. He knew Buffy's friends had never liked him, and Willow had just stopped him. He wouldn't blame her if she wanted to stake him.

"Spike," she responded, trying to sound mysterious. She had to make sure that this vampire wasn't going to come back tomorrow and try to shoot Buffy. She didn't know why he'd also shoot Tara. He didn't have a soul, maybe after shooting Buffy, he just discovered he enjoyed it. "Bet you're angry that I uh, stopped you." She tried provoking him, seeing if he was capable of anything.

Willow's words shocked Spike. She thought he was a monster. He'd acted like a monster, that was for sure. Willow was probably worried that he was going to go back and hurt Buffy more. He could still hear Buffy screaming in his head. He was a monster if he could do this to her. A soulless, evil thing. She'd been right about that. "oh, god," he whispered softly, memories of her struggling beneath him flooding back to him.

Willow had been expecting something, maybe for him to make an ambiguous remark and leave, or more sarcasm, or even threats. She wasn't expecting Spike to appear so remorseful, so human. Willow would have felt bad for him, had it not been for the fact that he'd just tried to rape her best friend. She wished she could tell whether the vampire was acting or not. Willow didn't say anything, just watched as a demon fought with his inner demons.

_Meanwhile, at Buffy's house_

"So, let me get this straight, nothing happened, you _don't _know what I'm talking about and this conversation is over?" Xander said, stringing together the things buffy had just told him. He just wished she'd tell him what was going on! They used to be best friends, and then Captain Peroxide showed up and she changed. Not only had Buffy been _sleeping with him_, but something may or may not have happened. It would've had to be pretty bad for Willow to use magick again, after she just got Tara back.

"It would appear," she said noncommittally, in that soft voice that she used whenever something bad happened. She just wanted to be left alone right now. Xander wouldn't understand. He'd probably be all with the I-told-you-so's. Buffy couldn't do that right now. She already felt betrayed and violated and weak, she didn't need any I-told-you-so's from Xander. And she couldn't tell Xander or he'd go kill Spike. Wait—wouldn't that be better, wouldn't she be safer if he was gone? Did she want him dead?

As Buffy walked down the stairs, Xander followed her, "Buffy?" he was so sick of her not telling him anything. HE sighed, thinking over what he'd seen.

_Xander had just arrived at Buffy's house for a Scooby meeting, when he saw Spike's lighter on the ground. He could hear a commotion upstairs. He wondered disgustedly what they were doing up there. Just the idea that Buffy, his idol would touch such a disgusting, soulless fiend was to much for him to take. _Intervention time, _he thought darkly._

_As he climbed the stairs, a very upset looking Tara came running down. He wondered if she and Willow were still fighting. He hoped not, Willow was so happy with her. He made a mental note to ask Willow about it later. As he was almost at the door, he heard "because she had to stop you!" it took Xander a while to figure out that it was Buffy that had spoken. It didn't sound like her, she sounded angry, and hurt and even a little afraid. Mainly repulsed._

_He arrived in the doorway to see Willow standing there with her fingers extended at Spike, who looked like he had been tied up by green jello. Buffy was standing on the opposite end of the room, looking… well, he didn't quite have a word for it. She looked like she'd been betrayed, and he had no doubts that Bleach Boy had something to do with it._

_"Who stopped what now?" asked Xander, baffled by everything that was going on up here. What could Spike have done that would hurt Buffy—the slayer—that much? Which brought him to point B. What was the evil undead doing in Buffy's house? "and is this how you not-see Spike, Buffy?" he added, his tone laced with disapproval. He knew he should have killed Spike last night._

_"what's going on?" he finally demanded, hoping Willow will explain. Buffy doesn't look like she's at all in the mood. Willow mouthed "later" to him, and Spike just glared. Like Spike had any right to be mad at Xander! _

"_Not a bloody thing," he said coldly,telling Xander with his eyes that Xander was intruding. Then, the look in his eyes changed to something akin to self-disgust, when he looked at Buffy. He spoke softly enough that Xander almost missed it. "I _am _sorry," he said, his tone bordering on pleading, "love." Then, he broke the magickal jello restraints and left._

"_Buffy?" Xander asked, "are you…" he didn't know what to ask. There was no way she was okay, but asking if she was hurt might seem insulting. She was normally so strong, but now nothing was right. This year, nothing had been right._

_Even Xander could tell she'd lied when she said "I'm fine." She said it in that weirdly quiet voice that she used when she was giving up. It was how she sounded when she'd just been pulled out of Heaven. Xander questioned again how one Billy Idol wannabe vampire could hurt Buffy so much. This wasn't normal. She was supposed to kill vampires._

"_Buffy," he tried, hoping this time he could help her somehow, "what happened?" he asked, knowing the slayer was likely to just deny that anything had happened, so he directed the question at Willow. Willow looked like she wanted to tell him something, but she bit her lip, trying to work out what to say. She started to say something, but Buffy cut her off._

"_Nothing happened," she said, still using that voice. Xander didn't believe her for one moment, so he tried to think up something to say to reassure her. He didn't blame her for not wanting to tell him anything after his performance earlier today. He looked around the room, noticing Willow was gone. Where did she go?_

"_Look, Buffy-" he started._

"_Xander, nothing happened. This conversation is over," she turned to leave the room, "now I have to find something to slay," she muttered. Which lead them to now._

"Willow left me the Trio's newest little scheme. I need you to stay here and watch Dawn." Buffy's words cut through his thoughts.

**So, I started this in june. Sigh. I'll hopefully write more soon. And yes, I intend to make this fic Spuffy. You'll see how. KShade out.**


	5. Confrontations

**So, after last night's chapter, I had to keep going. This is amazing. I'm kinda addicted to writing this. Yay!**

Spike looked at Willow, something coming to him. "Peaches! Willow, how did you grant Angel his soul back?" he demanded, thinking that if he had a soul again, he would never be able to hurt Buffy like he did then. It would be painful, no doubt, but he deserved that.

Willow looked at Spike confusedly, "I- I cast a spell," she said shakily, wondering why Spike wanted to know. Surely he didn't want a soul. He was a vampire who'd lived more than a century without one. Willow cringed at what that would be like, getting your soul back after a century of killing.

Spike knew Willow was trying to avoid magick, but he prayed she might be willing to do one more spell. "Please, Red. I need you to do it again," he pleaded, "I can't be a monster anymore." He heard another scream in the back of his mind, and the pain that her pain caused him was worse than the chip. He could never be the kind of man that could hurt her like that again. It was destroying him already, and he knew, with the return of his soul, it would only get worse. He deserved it.

Willow had never expected this from Spike. She had come here to determine whether he was going to kill Buffy and Tara. Now she was sure he couldn't. She'd never seen a vampire who seemed so…human. "I-" she started, not knowing what to say.

Buffy still wasn't feeling one hundred percent when she left to go stop Warren. Being an avid pedestrian, she was just jogging along the sidewalk, when she ran into Spike. When she left, she hadn't thought of where he would be. She recoiled, the second she cloud, scrambling back as fast as she could. She didn't want any part of Spike in contact with her body.

Spike turned around, seeing Buffy running. Words died on his lips. He had wanted to apologize, but there was no way anything he could say would be enough. He deserved her hatred.

"Will?" Buffy asked cautiously, worried that her friend was in danger. She knew Spike couldn't actually hurt Willow, but for all she knew, he could be saying things. Things that he either had no right to be telling her friends, or he could be lying or-. She stopped herself there.

Willow made an attempt at a smile that looked more like a pained grimace, "so uh, you're on your way to uh, stop Warren?" she asked, wondering why the Trio had to choose tonight to pull a heist. Like it wasn't complicated enough trying to save Tara when she didn't know who was going to shoot, but now Buffy was also diverted. Not to mention, Spike just had to choose now, didn't he? Willow didn't realize that these two days were such a migraine.

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Why were you talking to Spike?" she demanded. It wasn't that she wasn't grateful that Willow saved her, but after that, why would Willow talk to him? She couldn't even look at Spike. It just hurt. All she could see was his betrayal when she looked at him.

Spike looked up at Buffy, still on the ground where she'd knocked him. "Buffy?" he said, not knowing what to say, "I'm so sorry," he said softly, not meeting her eyes. He didn't deserve for her to accept his apology. Not until he made sure he'd never be able to hurt her again. He needed his soul, and if Red couldn't give it to him, he'd have to go to Africa and get it the hard way.

Buffy laughed bitterly, "you're _sorry?" _she repeated, emphasizing how little the two words changed. She couldn't believe the audacity he had, thinking he could just say he was 'sorry'. "Spike, you tried to-" she couldn't say it. She was too disgusted, and partly with herself for trusting him. She'd been so wrong about Spike.

Spike looked down at his hands, ashamed, "I know, love. I know, I can't do anything to fix it." He chastised himself for thinking that getting a soul would change anything. Nothing would change. Buffy wasn't going to forgive him.

Then, Willow cut in, "He- he wants his soul back," she said softly.

_Meanwhile_

"Warren?" asked Andrew, wondering why his amazingly strong friend wasn't listening, "You didn't actually kill these guys, did you?" he asked concernedly, testing the pulse on one of them. Not that he didn't love how Warren reminded him of Kahn when he was using the orbs, but he was getting kind of dangerous. Andrew wasn't sure if the thing he'd been feeling was his own pulse beating frantically or the other guy's.

Warren rolled his eyes, wishing he'd found some real henchmen, rather than a couple of sissies. "Andrew, remember what we talked about, right? _These men_ stole the money. We're just being vigilantes and getting it back," he lied. It was amazing how easy Andrew was to lie to. He just seemed to eat up whatever Warren told him.

"Who'd they steal it from?" asked Jonathan, trying to determine whether Warren was lying to make Andrew be quiet. Between the psychotic one and the downright whiny one, Jonathan wasn't sure where he fit in in the Trio.

Warren glared at Jonathan, "calm down, Sparky. We'll talk about it later." Well, if Warren's plan worked out, Andrew and Warren would. They were both equipped with jetpacks. Jonathan was not. Someone had to take the blame for this one. Andrew questioned him less, probably because of his ridiculous little crush. If Warren had to lead him around to get Andrew to obey him, well, so be it.

"How 'bout we talk about this now?" Buffy demanded, Willow and Spike in tow. She didn't trust Spike alone with Willow, and she definitely didn't want him alone with her. That meant she had company on patrol today. She left them close enough that she could see them, advancing on Warren. Buffy hoped she didn't do anything like what Faith used to do, beating endlessly on vamps, but she needed a fight. She needed to let out all the hurt and the pain, and if Warren gave her trouble…

Warren put on his best tough guy voice, "Well, if it isn't Bitchy the vampire slayer," he remarked. Mentally, he high fived himself for coming up with that. Then, he flexed his muscles, hoping the orbs hadn't worn off, "and she's brought our first hostage and the guy from the Magic Box. Interesting company."

Buffy ignored his words, walking towards him, "Warren, I've had a very bad day, and I'm not in the mood to argue. So either you come quietly, or we're going to have us a little conversation."

**So, this was shorter, but I'll write more tomorrow. KShade out. Thanks for the follows.**


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